How does one deal with this kind of situation? I’ve never been so hurt in my life over such a long period of time.. last June doesn’t even compare to the amount of pain I have.
He sent me an email.. Declaring it was his last words to me forever. I hope it isn’t. I keep on telling him that I literally don’t have the time to think out a satisfactory way of telling why I broke up with him.. There are so many reasons. And I don’t want to throw them all at once at him. I don’t WANT to hurt him. All I knew was that I was doing a favor for the both of us.
He’s punishing me for what “I did to him.” What exactly did I do? Break up with him? That’s why he’s punishing me? So I don’t have any pain from the break up whatsoever? Well, I do. I didn’t want to. But I knew I had to. Everything had changed, more permanently since he threatened to break up with me. Hypocrite. How DARE he hold my number one fear over my head.
What made his email so hurtful was how he said that we should have never been together. I DON’T REGRET A THING. HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK THAT. I FUCKING HELPED YOU WHEN YOU DOUBTED ABOUT SCHOOL. I HELPED YOU WHEN YOUR AUNT DIED. I FUCKING SUPPORTED YOU THROUGH SO MUCH. And you supported me through so much too, why would you even think that I would forget that? It hurts that I don’t have that same person to rush to every time I have a problem or think of something funny. I don’t have anyone. No one to care like you did.
But I had to do it. While I still will love you forever, my feelings did change. There were problems that seemed unfixable. Some of these problems even involved me. You are an important person to me, I hate that you want to cut off any communication. I know we can’t talk right now, but I definitely had plans making you a friend again in the future.
Personally, I wish you broke up with me. I have been on the other side before, and in comparison, I prefer that other side. This is pain. Raw, horrible, scrapping against my lungs pain. Why do you think I don’t respond to your texts? IT’S PAINFUL FOR ME TOO.